November 2003. My dad, a long time runner and Pikes Peak Ascender arrives in Austin for Thanksgiving and to see his new baby granddaughter. In passing he invites Paul and I to join himself, my step-mom, brother and sister-in-law for the Ascent in August 2004. Hmmm sounds interesting, Paul and I are not runners, never have been but hey I am packing 30 extra lbs of baby weight and this could be an excellent motivation to get back into shape!

April 2004. Still packing those extra 30 lbs, I decide to take a look at the PP Marathon/Ascent website and see what this race thing I have been signed up for since March 1st is all about... "Medical Notes-These races are very difficult and physically demanding high altitude runs that should not be undertaken without significant preparation."

Well based on that short read I assumed it was time to start training.

Summer 04. After 4 months of 3.5 miles runs thru my flat subdivision at least 3 times a week, I have lost 15 lbs and begin to "taper" feeling extremely confident about my upcoming task. Like any good taper, I eschewed all running and physical activity for the 3 weeks prior to the race.

August 21, 2004, The Ascent. It didn't make the Colorado Springs Gazette but the front page could have read, "Austin mother of 2 small children nearly cries, collapses and poops herself above tree line as she staggers, dehydrated and delirious, across Pikes Peak Ascent finish line and into the medical building in 5 hours and 38 minutes." Job not so well done. The next day my dad asks me if I would ever consider doing it again. "F-in' right I am doing it again, next year, that performance will NOT be my legacy on the mountain."

Time to get educated, read up, run, run some more, a couple half marathons, Freescale, wow I was actually becoming that mythological creature known as a runner.

Spring 2005. I had been signed up for Rogue's Pikes Peak Program since the week after Freescale and I was ready to hit the trails. Sisson had no idea who I was or why the crazy mom, who can't run faster than an 11 minute mile, won't stop sending him emails. Too bad, I have business with a rock. Training was hard but the good hard, the kind you look forward to, that makes you feel better about yourself when you are done. Everyone was great to be around and some I was fortunate enough to get to know and I began to see that greatness of spirit you don't come across often (you know who you are). I began to realize I was a part of something special, something that doesn't happen everyday and it was/is pretty cool.

July 2005. I am a FOMO. Yep and I am not ashamed, I have a Fear Of Missing Out. If it sounds fun, interesting or anything in between I like to tag along and see what's happening. The Ascent sounded ok in March but by July the whole marathon mystery was more than I could take. A quick call to Colorado Springs and some divine intervention (or sick cruelty) and the race registrar was generous enough to switch my Ascent bib number with a friend of mine from AZ who had a marathon bib. Suddenly after four months of Ascent training I was running a marathon in less than four weeks. I literally felt a wave of nausea wash over me. Deep breath, clearer head, calmer stomach, no worries Sisson had put us threw the ringer, I was ready.

Saturday, August 20, 2005. I am still a FOMO. My husband, Paul, should have been hitting the top of the W's in his Ascent on Saturday and I was having breakfast with my teammates, my friends. Where were they going? Yes, the infamous "look see" up top and yes I was going with them. Even better I was taking my almost 2 year old baby with me, after all we were only going to be there for 20 minutes or so, it was a beautiful sunny day and with any luck I would be able to give my step mom a ride down.

As soon as we got out of the van on the top, I realized I had made a mistake and started my plan to head back down. After a quick potty break and collecting our friend Steve Nickerson (the one who switched bibs with me) from the medical building, we headed over to the van line. As we approached the lady looked at us and said "The roads are closed." My heart sank; I looked at my baby and felt my pulse start racing. Inside the Summit House we watched the weather go from bad to worse. I felt panicked and sick. How would I get my baby down? How long was it safe for her to be at 14,000 feet? Would I know if she started to get sick? Where was my husband? Had he been turned around? Was he still out there? I expected him to finish at around 6 hours but in those conditions who knew what was happening on the face of the mountain. Kent, Jon, Dan, Leah, James and I know there were others, but I was too freaked out for it to register, stayed with me when I cried, helped me with the baby, and repeatedly went out in the weather to check the turnaround list and the finishers list. They did this for me at the expense of their own races on Sunday.

Sisson and Ruthie stood on a rock below the finish line for over four hours in sleet, hail, snow and LIGHTENING bringing in each and every Rogue Ascender even after race officials told them to take cover. And when Paul finished, thanks to all of them, I was the first to know. Shortly after that Sisson and Ruth appeared in the Summit House and Sisson said "We're leaving." We gathered outside and I put Riley in her backpack and loaded it on Sisson's back for the 3 mile hike down to our cars at Devil's Playground. As he strapped her on I kept thinking he was blowing his race and it still brings tears to my eyes to know that he was willing to do that for me. He knew I couldn't carry her and keep up and without hesitation he picked her up and started walking downhill carrying 40 lbs at 14,000 feet. Not exactly the best plan for the quads the day before a marathon let alone THIS marathon. The guilt kept flashing through my head but my mother's instinct to get my baby off that stupid mountain overwhelmed everything else. Thankfully after about 10 minutes the weather cleared. Paul was in good enough shape after his race to take over for Steve's after about a mile. The clear weather lasted until we reached the cars and we finally got off the mountain.
Bed, bed, bed I just wanted to get to bed.

Finally at 9 PM I fell into bed exhausted.

In hindsight I realize I was probably overly panicked and we would have been fine, eventually, like everyone else. But at the time, with so little oxygen, the thought of putting my baby in one of those vans on icey roads was terrifying.

Sunday. At 5:30 AM three alarms sound simultaneously and before I could get them all turned off the phone starts ringing with my wake up call. No chance of oversleeping. I was alone. Paul had spent the night at my dad's house in Woodland Park with the baby and I had stayed alone in Manitou at the hotel. I immediately started eating and drinking and felt very chilled. I began to doubt my clothing choices and thought about adding another layer. Stick to the plan. I headed downstairs to the lobby and Nickerson was waiting for me. Paul and my step mom walked in shortly after and we sat for about 15 minutes before taking the short walk to the starting line. I was sick to my stomach and there is no doubt as to what was causing it, fear.

I arrived at the start to a loud cheer of "CARRIE," I responded with a resounding "ROGUE" and ease washed over me. The team had assembled, everyone was smiling, we were ready. Stick to the plan. The gun went off and we came off the line in a hearty power walk up the hill until it flattened out and then broke into an easy run. Dan, Cathy, Leah and Lorrie were right at my side and it could not have felt better. By the time we hit the dirt we had started to spread apart but on the first few W's I could still look down and see them all coming up behind me. I called out a few times and everyone called back sounding strong. After that I was alone. I passed people whenever there was a chance and no one passed me. It felt good to be the strong one for a change. I came upon Raul at No Name and he looked great, especially after doing the Ascent on Saturday, and pushed on. I caught Maria at Barr Camp and she looked good but said she didn't feel great. Maria is a machine so I wasn't too worried and I lost her when she stopped at the aid station. Next came Jeri and Reenie both looking fantastic and in high spirits.

I was behind my goal time of 4:30 for the Ascent so I changed my goal. It is a big mountain and you have plenty of time for accomplishments both big and small. I just wanted to be out of the trees before Sisson came down. We had talked about where I should be when he passed me the week before and I didn't want to let him down. Just before A Frame the leaders started coming by and I was torn between wanting Sisson to be the next runner for him and getting out of those damn trees for me. It worked out well for both of us, on my second or so switchback above tree line I hear "Runner" and look up to see yellow streaking down the trail. "Yes," I thought, here we go Rogue was on the move. I yelled, "Go Sisson" as he came around the corner. "Too slow to the top" he yelled and I thought, "Don't I know it, you and me both." If I was slow to tree line and he was here too, we are both "too slow to the top." I thought about the 40 lb backpack with a squirming baby but yell "Bullshit, you got em" and he was gone. People around me say "You know him?" I felt pride when I not only got to say yes that a bunch more of us would be coming behind him.

Suddenly, I realized I was above tree line, I was thinking, talking, and felt fantastic. I literally smiled and chuckled to myself, and then I looked at my watch and decided it was time to get moving. I was amazed to find that when I had the space to move I was running and maintaining the same pace I had done on the W's 6,000 feet below. Rogues started coming by, first Kent and Marty and I smiled again. Sisson had said on Thursday that they would both have a great race and it was clear he was right and they were. Then it got streaky, I remember Abe and Duane but had to have missed others. You spend a lot of time looking down on your footing up there and the down runners came by so fast I didn't always see their faces.

I still felt great and actually started getting frustrated with the congestion. I even jogged in a few places where the trail opened up and passed everyone I came up to. As I passed by the final aid station, I thought back to last year and how I couldn't even speak at that point and then looked up at Search and Rescue an 1/8 of a mile away. In 04 I had staggered up to them, paused and thought they will help me if I just open my mouth but I couldn't speak so I turned the corner and kept crawling up. This year there was no pause, instead there was a huge smile and I made a point of thanking them heartily for being on the mountain for us. Up the Golden Stairs, I began to feel somewhat euphoric, there was no question I would make it and I realized I had made up enough time ABOVE tree line that my 4:30 was almost back in my grasp.

Suddenly, there was a curly dark brown pony tail in front of me that I knew I had seen before. I called out "Whitney," and placed my hand on her back; she turned her head and said she felt terrible. I told her we were almost there and meant it.

As I passed Whitney I heard my name and smiled again knowing James (Leah's husband) was up ahead. I could see the Texas flag and turned on the juice. I went by James he said he'd have my supplies ready as I came back down. I looked back to make sure Whitney was still with me, she was and we went through the turnaround together.

It was surreal, a guy grabbed my shoulders and stopped me while another one grabbed my bib and marked it. The clock said 4:32. They pushed me forward and a third man yelled "GO, GO, GO, GO" in my face as I turned around. It was surreal yet actually scared me a little bit and I started scrambling down the rocks through the slush towards James. With flawless execution from James, I tossed my empty handheld and winter hat at his feet and he handed me a fresh handheld and a bottle of Perpetum. I never even broke stride as I thanked him and headed down.

Rogue was still on the move and I started passing by more and more friendly faces, Monica, Lesley, Dan, and Leah. They all looked awesome and had HUGE smiles on their faces and I knew they would make it up. Leah said Cathy wasn't doing well and I continued on watching for her intently. I knew how bad it could be up there and I hoped she wasn't in the kind of shape I had been in 2004. I came upon her shortly after seeing Leah and when she saw me the Crabster actually smiled and shook her head no. I stopped and she told me not to, that I had a race to run. Being an Old Whore Dog I ignored her. We talked for a couple minutes and walked a little ways up the trail, for someone who felt as bad as she did I was amazed at how lucid and strong she was. I left after telling her to have the aid station workers take her up to search and rescue. I knew the Crabby Old Tough as Nails Bitch would not listen to me, would take her man pill, keep going and she did. I know it was just because she didn't want Leah to beat you to the top!

Down was a dream, not much to remember except passing my team and scrambling across the boulders to let S&R pass by with the guy who had passed away. Not too much pain, I probably should have been going faster but the W's had me scared. I knew they were out there and that I would need to have some use of my quads to get down them.

Everything was in full swing until about 1/2 a mile from the finish and I thought I saw Team Rogue on the side of the road. I started stripping off my jacket and handheld when I realized it wasn't them. I had to have cost me at least 15 seconds trying t o get them back on, crushing in a 7 plus hour race! :-)

Apparently I was moving even faster than Corey, because I have 7:31 for my final mile split and I even got to peg poor Sisson in the collar bone with my handheld as I rounded the last corner. How's that for thanks. In a total unknown, I thought 7 hrs was my best case scenario and anything under 9 would have kept me pleased, I finished in 7 hrs 31 minutes and I couldn't be happier.

What was this journey? A personal goal? A reckoning with a rock that beat me badly last year? Nope, it was and is so much more. My legacy on the mountain isn't about my race. It is about group of people that came together for who knows what crazy reasons, some simple, some not, but in the end we DID come together and for me it was no longer just a race. For me it was about the people I was with, who I am now proud to call my friends. People who were willing to sacrifice their own goals to help each other, me and even strangers.

Dan I will never forget that you stopped to help the poor man who passed away and gave so much of yourself on the side of a mountain for a complete stranger.

I will be forever grateful and yet forever wonder if helping me and my baby cost Steve his 5 minutes and for being the kind of man that mentions it to no one.

I will always remember Cathy's courage to continue in more ways than one.

Thanks to Leah and James for feeding Riley twizlers, while packed like sardines in the Summit House, so I could walk Paul and Seth up the final turn and into the medical building.

And again to James for being my angel in the fog and being there to share one of my greatest personal achievements so Paul could keep our baby safe at the bottom.

Thanks to each and every Rogue for letting me share your journeys, stories, hopes and fears. I am honored to have been a part of something so special.

Next year I will stand with Cathy at the start and hug her at the finish.

I will watch Steve take back his 5 minutes and probably many more.

Next year I will be there.