Being in total bliss.  Having everything in this world that I wanted or needed right there in that moment.  How many people get to experience this?  Yet that is exactly what I felt as I lay face down in the dirt and leaves at mile 90 next to the Farside aide station.  Just a moment to give in to the urge to sleep.  Just a few sweet moments to close my eyes and forget about the roots for the first time in about 21 hours.  But I was on a schedule and had to keep my bliss break down to one minute.  I didn’t want to go into the tent and warm up.  And I was reminded that laying out there with temps in the 30s wasn’t a good idea.  So back on the trail we go.   I had finished Kettle Moraine 100m and even Western States 100 last summer.   But I had failed at Rocky two times in a row (78 m & 80 m).  So I definitely had a monkey (coon?) to get off my back.  I also had a lifetime fantasy goal of finishing a 100 miler in under 24 hours.  Don’t know how I got the idea stuck there but once I get a goal, it’s practically impossible for me to give up on it.  But I know I have physical limitations and have never been known for much speed.   I knew I could run a 20 mile loop with very little effort in 4 hours +- 10 min.  So I studied the splits from previous years of people who had finished in under 24 hours and who had ran near a 4 hour first lap.  I looked at typical slow-down rates for loops 4 & 5.  So I decided that IF I was capable of beating 24 and getting the coveted silver belt buckle, here would be a realistic schedule:   Loop 1 – 4:00 hrs Loop 2 – 4:10 hrs Loop 3 – 4:30 hrs Loop 4 – 5:15 hrs Loop 5 – 5:45 hrs             23:40 hours   But again, just a finish in under the 30 hour cutoff would be an accomplishment.    Finalizing the divorce of a 21 year marriage right before the race, I hadn’t even packed a single drop bag by 9pm the night before the race.  I was able to get a good run in at Bandera three weeks earlier and get in at least one 20 miler each week (along with some maintenance during the week) in training.  With basically being a single parent of two teenage daughters, I haven’t been able to put much thought in to this race.  But I was beginning a new chapter in my life and wanted to start out with a check in the WIN column.    I basically threw everything I had related to running and warm clothes into 5 bags.  Three for the Lodge and two for Dam road.  One primary and the rest for “just in case”.   Last year I stopped at mile 80 because of hypothermia caused by putting layers over wet clothes.  So I prepared a water-proof bag with my complete change of clothes, socks, lube, etc. ready for mile 60.  I was going to start fresh for the night.  I saved my best insulated running tights and shirt for the night and wore some older tights for the day.   At the race site, I set up my chair and bags near the start/finish.  I take my other bags to the drop-off spot to be taken to Dam road.   LOOP 1 I take it nice and easy loop 1.  Determined to eat when I can, drink plenty, and not strain.  I like to think of loop 1 as “being on vacation”.  I chuckle at some rookies that are already plowing up hills, huffing and puffing.  This is a game of patience and strategy.   About mile 14 you come up to the dirt dam next to the lake.  The sun was rising behind me, bathing me in warmth.  The light was shining from behind me onto the lake where the mist was slowly rising off the water.  Cranes set like Zen masters on stumps in the water, wings spread out drying in the ambiance of the sun.  There is something magical when the sunlight shines from behind you on the bushes, leaves, and pine needles.  It is soft to the eye and I was supremely thankful for the moment and for being alive and healthy.  I don’t claim to be religious or have God figured out.  But at moments of rapture like this, I feel like “Me and God… we be mates” as crocodile dundee would say.    Finished loop 1 in 4:00.  Right on schedule.   LOOP 2 I’ve noticed this tightness in my hamstrings that always happens between 20 and 30 miles.  After about 30 miles, it gives up and stops bothering me so I wasn’t surprised when it happened again.  But after about 30 miles, I noticed that the tights I was wearing were really tight on my legs and was putting pressure on my knee caps and causing them to get sore.  I’ve learned that you do not ignore even the smallest pain if you can alleviate it.  So when I finished loop 2, I had them cut the tights off and make shorts out of them.  Something Joe Prusatis taught me “If it offends you, cut it off!!!.”  No problem since I’m getting my good pair of tights at mile 60.  I also had some bruising on the top of my foot because I wore a brand-new pair of Continental Divide shoes (right out of the box).  I know I know.  Rookie mistake.  But they felt so good and padded.  I had my old backups just in case though.  Finished Loop 2 in 4:10 I think.  So far so good. 40 miles down and still doing ok.  Little tired but ok.   LOOP 3 Loop 3 is all about controlling your mental state.  You’re tired.  And you have over half-way to go.   I use all sorts of crazy mind games to will energy into my body and stop the pain.  I had pacers lined up and a fresh set of clothes and shoes to look forward to.    It was just getting dark and I got a call on my cell phone from my dad.  He and my brother were waiting to see me at the lodge.  How exciting.  I picked up my pace and see my friend Gretchen along the way.  She had hosted a couple of out-of-town runners and was to be my pacer 80-100.  I made it in around 4:25 I think.  So happy to see dad, brother, and pacer Tony.  It meant a lot to have people come out to see me.  I check in and head over to my drop bags and chair.   Now I know that your mind gets dull after 60 miles.  But I could not understand why I could not find my specially prepared change of clothes bag.  I had them in a huge zip-lock bag with socks, body glide, etc.  Everything so I wouldn’t have to think.  But they were not there!!!! All I have is this emergency bag with a too-heavy ski jacket and a pair of polypro long-johns.  It was getting cold and I knew I needed to get out of my wet clothes so I did the only thing I could do and that was take off my shirt and put on the long-john tops and bottoms.  At least they were black.  I re-lubed my feet, put on some older, comfortable shoes, and headed out with my pacer.   LOOP 4 It means so much to have a pacer.  Just having someone there makes you feel more conscious of your pace and to do your best.  Tony was awesome and kept me good company.  I was tired and started to get a little sleepy but otherwise felt good.  The long-johns weren’t too bad.  I was able to pull the legs up as shorts or pull them down when I got cold.  Could I be the first person to run a 100 in only long-johns?  I get to the dam road and realized what had happened to my clothes.  In my haste to pack, I had sent all of my emergency clothes to the dam road instead of leaving them at the lodge.  Oh well.  No time to waste so I’ll just go with the johns.  At least I’ll be motivated to finish before day light!!!  I think I finished loop 4 in about 5:15.   LOOP 5 Timing gets a little fuzzy and I haven’t seen the splits from the race but I think it was around 11:30pm when Gretchen and I headed out for the final loop.  6 ? hours to achieve my “100 miles in one day” fantasy goal.  Unless the wheels fall off, I should make it.   Gretchen and I had wonderful conversation but after I got some really good potato soup at Mariella’s aide station at mile 84, I started to get mind-numbingly sleepy.  Where it really got bad was when we passed the dam road aide station at about mile 86.  I can’t describe the level of fatigue I had.  My body was still strong but I just wanted to collapse on the ground and go to sleep.  I was running like a drunk person. I couldn’t keep my eyes from crossing while I ran.  I was literally falling asleep while I ran only to be jerked awake by an eminent fall.  To me, the difficulty in running 100 miles is not pushing the legs that far but in the mental fatigue that plagues you.  So when I reached mile 90, you can understand the bliss I felt when I collapsed on the ground.  I was on a 5 hour pace that 5th loop so I was still in great shape for my finish.   After that few seconds of rest, I felt good enough to head off down the trail again.  Even now the memory of the fatigue is beginning to escape me and I’ll probably be foolish enough to sign up for another race again.  Such is the curse of the ultra-runner.  But I was mentally a zombie the last 10 miles.  But I was still able to run a little but I had a very fast race-walk with a determination on getting there before 6 am.  It was somewhere between a race-walk and slow run but as I would see lights ahead, I turned it into a game of “taking them down”.   Anything to stay motivated to keep moving fast.   As I rounded the last corner and started the last 100 yard trek, I saw an alien shining with green, shimmering light just up ahead of me.  Well it actually turned out to be another runner who had a silver space blanket wrapped around him with a green light who was running towards the finish.  I had one last goal.  To beat the alien.  My jog turned into a sprint.  My sprint into a run.  I came in to the finish at a full run.  The clock read 23:23.  63rd out of 242 starters.  70% finished.    Thank goodness I don’t have to do this again.   “and all the ultra-runners say….Yea right!”   Dad and brother there to meet me.  Hot shower and a nap before the awards ceremony.  Life is GOOD!!!!   Able to make it to work Monday morning with slightly sore knees.  I pity the fool that asks me how my weekend went.