Question: Why did Michelle decide to run the Cross Timbers Trail marathon a week before the Lone Star 50K?
     a) Because a group from HTREX was going and invited her along.
     b) Because Michelle wanted to prove to herself how tough she was.
     c) Because it sounded like fun.
     d) All of the above.

Question: Why did Michelle DNF from the marathon and complete the 1⁄2 marathon instead?
     a) Because it was alternately raining and pouring the whole morning.
     b) Because the trails were a soupy, slippery mess of mud and leaves.
     c) Because she was cold and miserable.
     d) All of the above.

Well, if you answered "D" to both questions, congratulations, you get 100%! This was the 25th anniversary of the Cross Timbers Trail Run, which takes place about 90 miles north of Dallas along the shores of Lake Texoma. There is a 50-mile run, a marathon, a 1⁄2 marathon, and a 5-mile run.  Everything was very well organized, from the pre-race pasta to the post-race burgers and beer, the T-shirts, the aid stations, and the awards (which were slices of cedar with the race logo engraved). While I had reservations about doing a marathon a week before a 50K, I figured that I would take it easy, go slowly, walk all the hills, and hopefully spend a wonderful day in the woods and still have some juice left for the following weekend.

When we arrived at the race start on Friday afternoon, the trails were in good condition, dry and firm. However, during the pre-race banquet, the rain started, turning dry, firm trails into trails of mud. By 7:00 AM at race start there was a slight drizzle, but this drizzle later turned into rain, then pouring rain, then back into rain, etc etc...you get the picture. And as a result, when you combine over 100 runners with single-track trails and rain, you get mud: slippery, all consuming mud along the uphills, the downhills, and the flat sections. Everywhere. Which was really a pity, because the trails were beautiful: meandering along the shoreline, with frequent views of Lake Texoma, mainly through woods and forests, with interesting, challenging climbs and descents.

However, I was miserable. I am not a fan of running in cold rain when it's only 50 degrees, and feeling my hands turn into blocks of ice despite my gloves, and my feet...well, they were a lost cause. Needless to say, running in all that muck was not an option, and the best I could do was a semi-brisk hike. So, I had to make the decision that all runners face eventually: to DNF or not to DNF. Which made me think: why do I run these races anyway? For fun, or to pump up my ego about my toughness? So, back 'n' forth, back 'n' forth through the mud and the rain: if I drop out of the marathon my misery will end sooner, but I'll also have to face the fact that I'm not as tough as I thought I was.

And then I thought: heck, I'm tough enough as it is! I've done four 50 milers, over twenty 50Ks, twenty-three marathons. What am I trying to prove? And that's the thing about endurance running: most ultra-marathoners are only competing with themselves, and if you want to give yourself a break one cold, rainy day...just do it! No explanations or excuses are needed. They say ultra-running is the ultimate in self-discovery, because it pushes people to their limits and reveals to them how much pain they can withstand. But it also reveals how much you can be held hostage to your ego and self-image, and how you define "fun". So, I slapped my ego back into place, and realized that fun matters more to me than my ego...well, in this case, lack of fun. I decided to DNF the marathon, and achieved a personal worst in the marathon. But instead, and best of all, I gained insight. And fresh legs for next weekend's 50K!